Toyota are trying their darndest at the moment to convince the world that they do actually have a pulse and have set about making some warmer road cars.
The first fruits of their endeavour is the limited-production Toyota Yaris GRMN and aside from the obvious issue of 152kW in a Yaris, what on earth have they called it!?
The first thought is that it’s the Toyota Yaris GeRMaN, which is what it reads like phonetically and does even make some logical sense given Toyota Motorsport is based in Cologne, Germany. But it’s not that.
Could it be the Yaris GRuMmaN, an engineering tie up with Northrop Grumman to bring aerospace technology to cars? No.
Is it the Yaris GaRMiN, a car with an excellent sat-nav so that unlike other Yaris drivers, owners would actually have a clue where they’re going? Sadly, also no.
So what on earth is GRMN? It is, if you hadn’t guessed it already, Gazoo Racing, Masters of the Nurburgring.
I’m sorry…. what?
Gazoo Racing is Toyota’s European factory racing team and operate their WEC LMP1, WRC and Nurburgring 24h programs. What a name that could have been, Toyota Yaris GzR rolls off the tongue beautifully doesn’t it? But MN? Why MN!? Gazoo Racing have been regular participants at the annual 24h race in May but aside from a couple of minor class wins, they haven’t won anything at the ‘ring. Masters of the Nurburgring? Hardly. More accurately they could have called it the Yaris GRUTUN, or Gazoo Racing Usually Turns Up at the Nurburgring.
The other question here is why on earth are they using the Nurburgring to market a car that is clearly a tie in with the World Rally program where Gazoo races the Yaris? Why isn’t it the Yaris WR or Rallye or something interesting like that? This is obviously another example of someone from Toyota’s marketing juggernaut aiming for chocolates and coming up with a novelty dog turd – and they’re totally unaware of it.
The Yaris GRMN has 152kW. That’s right, 152kW in a Yaris – the refuge of the ’90s Volvo driver. The car most likely to turn in front of you or to fly across three lanes of freeway at the last minute to make an exit. Why on earth would these people need 90% more power? Maybe they should have called it the Toyota Yaris EMLEUPH – Even More Likely to End Up in a Hedge.